The Guestbook Page 4

  Phil, Sue and Jack the dog.

  **********

  10th May - ?

  Barney Quinn

  SATURDAY:

  ALTHOUGH I AM HERE AS A GUEST, I WILL SOON BE A PERMANENT RESIDENT OF CHALK HILL. MY NEW HOUSE, APTLY NAMED THE SANDCASTLE FOR ITS YELLOW COLOURING, IS JUST GOING UNDER SOME MUCH NEEDED RENOVATIONS. I’M STAYING HERE TO OVERSEE AND HELP WITH ITS UPGRADE BEFORE I MOVE IN A FEW WEEKS FROM NOW.

  I’VE NOT MET THE LANDLADY OF THIS LOVELY COTTAGE YET. THOUGH I SPOKE WITH ANNIE BUTTERWORTH ON THE PHONE, SHE WAS NOT HERE TO MEET ME. APPARENTLY THERE WAS SOME PROBLEM WITH HER PAINTING STUDIO AND SOPHIA LORENZO LET ME IN INSTEAD.

  THE LOCAL VILLAGERS I’VE MET SO FAR SEEM TO BE SO FRIENDLY AND SO WILLING TO HELP. I EVEN HAD AN OFFER TO SEE SOME COWS FROM SOME MAN CALLED WILLIAM. NOT WISHING TO OFFEND HIM I ACCEPTED AND SPENT A RATHER DULL HOUR LISTENING TO HIM TALK ABOUT THEM AS I WATCHED THEM GRAZE.

  I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A HUGE THANK YOU, ANNIE, FOR THE BOOKS, MAPS AND INFORMATION LEAFLETS OF THE LOCAL AREA THAT YOU LEFT FOR ME. THIS WILL BE A HUGE HELP IN THE COMING WEEKS.

  MY TEMPORARY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR IS BEAUTIFUL. I’VE JUST SEEN HER IN HER BACK GARDEN CHASING THE CHICKENS BACK INTO THEIR PENS. THIS MUST BE ANNIE’S GRANDDAUGHTER.

  WOULD IT BE CONSIDERED BAD FORM TO DATE THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF YOUR LANDLADY? I CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF HER. GOD THAT ARSE.

  HAVE JUST MET THE BLONDE VISION. SHE’S CALLED ANNIE TOO, PROBABLY AFTER HER GRANDMOTHER. ANNIE WANTED TO KNOW IF I HAD SETTLED IN ALRIGHT SO I IMAGINE SHE HANDLES THE COTTAGE WHEN HER GRANDMOTHER ISN’T HERE. I’M GOING TO ENSURE ALL MY DEALINGS ARE WITH THE YOUNG ANNIE FROM NOW ON. SHE IS LOVELY. THE DRESS SHE WAS WEARING WAS SLIGHTLY SEE-THROUGH IN THE SUNLIGHT, SHOWED OFF HER LEGS BEAUTIFULLY. SHAME ABOUT THE BIG SANDALS, KIND OF RUINED THE IMAGE A BIT, BUT AT LEAST SHE WASN’T WEARING THEM WITH SOCKS. I’VE ASKED HER TO DROP ROUND FRESH EGGS EVERY DAY.

  HAVE JUST BOUGHT SUPPLIES FROM THE VILLAGE SHOP. LOCAL MILK, LOCAL BREAD, LOCAL CIDER, LOCAL CHEESE, LOCAL BUTTER AND LOCAL MEAT SO SAID THE VERY ELDERLY LADY AS SHE SERVED ME. NOT LOCAL CONDOMS THOUGH. SHE THOUGHT THIS WAS VERY FUNNY. SHE WAS STILL CACKLING AT HER LITTLE JOKE WHEN I LEFT THE SHOP.

  SUNDAY:

  LAST DAY OF REST TODAY BEFORE THE BUILDERS DESCEND TOMORROW. I’LL ASK ANNIE TO JOIN ME FOR A PICNIC ON THE BEACH. WILL PACK ALL THE LOCAL PRODUCE FOR LUNCH. AND NON-LOCAL PRODUCE FOR DESSERT!! WELL, JUST IN CASE.

  Just dropping eggs off. There seems to be a bit of confusion. I am the Annie Butterworth you spoke with on the phone, I own Willow Cottage. The only living grandmother I have is called Cerise and lives in France.

  Thanks for the comments about my bum and legs, very much appreciated. I’m glad you are making the most of the local produce and the non-local. It is always good to be prepared!!

  A picnic sounds lovely. I’ll bring the chocolate chip cheesecake I made this morning for dessert. Much tastier than eating condoms, they can be a bit rubbery!!

  HAVE NEVER BLUSHED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. ANNIE COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING ABOUT IT. SHE HAS THE LOVELIEST LAUGH I’VE EVER HEARD.

  PICNIC WAS LOVELY. WE TALKED A LOT. ANNIE IS VERY FUNNY AND SWEET. I GET THE SENSE SHE WAS HOLDING SOMETHING BACK FROM ME. SHE’S BEEN HURT IN THE PAST, SOME CHEATING EX-BOYFRIEND SCUM MOST LIKELY. WE’RE TAKING THINGS SLOW FOR NOW.

  MONDAY:

  URGH, THE BUILDERS HAVE ARRIVED ACROSS THE GREEN AT SOME UNGODLY HOUR. BETTER GO AND MAKE TEA AND SUPERVISE THE EXTENSION AND NEW FITTED KITCHEN.

  DESPITE THAT I HAVE FOUND THE BEST BUILDERS MONEY CAN BUY, DESPITE THAT I HAVE PAID THEM EXTRA TO HAVE THIS JOB FINISHED QUICKER, THEY STILL STAND AROUND A LOT AND DRINK TEA, THEY TOOK AN HOUR AND HALF FOR LUNCH AND HAVEN’T BROUGHT ALL THE PARTS/TOOLS THEY NEED TODAY.

  MY DAY HAS JUST GOT ONE MILLION PER CENT BETTER. I HAVE JUST SEEN ANNIE NAKED. OH MY GOD! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. SHE HAS A TINY MOLE ON HER BUM, A SCAR ACROSS HER SHOULDER, BUT SHE IS PERFECT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.

  I PERHAPS SHOULD ADD WHY I SAW HER NAKED, I’M NOT A SLEAZY PEEPING TOM. THERE WAS A FOX IN HER GARDEN AND ANNIE SAW HIM JUST AS SHE WAS GETTING OUT THE SHOWER. WITHOUT A MOMENT’S HESITATION SHE RAN DOWNSTAIRS AND OUT INTO THE GARDEN TO SCARE HIM OFF BEFORE HE COULD EAT THE CHICKENS. I OF COURSE RAN ROUND TO HELP TOO, THOUGH THE FOX HAD ALREADY GONE BY THEN. ANNIE WAS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ME SEE HER NAKED BUT SHE STILL HAD THE GOOD GRACE TO INVITE ME ROUND FOR DINNER. I DID ASK WHAT THE DRESS CODE WAS AND WHETHER I SHOULD COME AS CASUALLY AS SHE WAS DRESSED. SHE SAID MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR A TIE. SORELY TEMPTED TO TURN UP JUST WEARING A TIE BUT NEED TO REMEMBER WE’RE TAKING THINGS SLOW.

  TUESDAY:

  A GREAT EVENING WITH ANNIE, SHE MAKES ME LAUGH A LOT.

  Just dropping off fresh towels. I had a lovely evening too. I’ll be at the painting studio all day today until quite late tonight but maybe we can do it again on Thursday.

  I WOULD LOVE TO.

  THE BUILDERS HAVE MADE GOOD PROGRESS TODAY DESPITE THEIR CONTINUAL TEA BREAKS.

  Wednesday:

  Hi Barney. I’m Sophia, the cleaner, we met on Saturday. I normally pop by once a week to tidy things up but we’ve not had any long term residents before. If you would prefer to be left alone rather than me coming in and disturbing you then please let me or Annie know.

  Annie is walking around with a huge grin on her face about her dates with you. I haven’t seen her this excited and happy for a long, long time. She’s had a difficult few years so just be careful with her. Be patient and I promise you it will be worth it. She is a lovely girl with a beautiful heart.

  I’ve just been told off for writing this, apparently she doesn’t want you to know about her past so I’ll say no more about it. Though quite how she expects to keep it quiet in Chalk Hill is beyond me.

  I am not made out of china; I do not need to be treated as such.

  Though I do appreciate you’re only looking out for me.

  EVERYONE HAS BAGGAGE SOPHIA, I’M SURE ANNIE’S IS NO WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE’S. IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT THEN I WON’T PUSH HER OR ANYONE ELSE FOR INFORMATION. WE ARE TAKING THINGS SLOW AND AS I AM MOVING INTO CHALK HILL PERMANENTLY I HAVE NO INTENTION OF HURTING HER OR TREATING HER BADLY. I WOULD BE A FOOL TO, NOT LEAST BECAUSE I’D THEN HAVE TO FACE THE WRATH OF YOU AND THE OTHER TWELVE VILLAGERS THAT HAVE ALREADY WARNED ME OFF HER.

  BARNEY

  I’m sorry the villagers have felt the need to speak to you about me. They’re very protective. I promise you I don’t have any foul or hideous diseases. But if you want to call it off, I’d completely understand.

  Annie x

  GLAD TO HEAR OF YOUR GOOD HEALTH! I’M VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. EVEN VILLAGERS WITH THEIR PITCHFORKS WOULDN’T STOP ME.

  THURSDAY:

  WITH AN EXTRA CASH BONUS HANGING ON THE END OF A STICK FOR THE BUILDERS IF THEY FINISH IT ALL BY THE END OF NEXT WEEK, THEY ARE NOW WORKING LIKE TROJANS. THEY ARE STILL GOING THROUGH MORE TEABAGS THAN I’VE HAD HOT DINNERS BUT AT LEAST NOW THEY ARE DRINKING WHILST THEY WORK.

  HAD A LOVELY DINNER AGAIN TONIGHT WITH ANNIE, DRANK A FEW BOTTLES OF LOCAL CIDER AND THEN A VERY DISAPPOINTING WALK ON THE BEACH. IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE ROMANTIC WITH THE MOON SHINING OVER THE WATER BUT WE STILL HAVEN’T KISSED YET. IT’S SO FRUSTRATING. I KNOW I SAID WE WERE TAKING IT SLOW, BUT AT THE MOMENT WE AREN’T EVEN MOVING.

  Friday:

  Just popping some eggs in. I’m sorry you were disappointed with last night. There are quite a few single girls in the village and surrounding areas who would be more than willing to move quicker. You’d probably be better off with one of them.

  Annie

  MY LOVELY ANNIE. PLEASE DON’T GET UPSET BY MY SLIGHTLY DRUNKEN RAMBLINGS, THAT CIDER IS POTENT STUFF. I DON’T WANT ANY OTHER GIRL, I ONLY WANT YOU. I SUPPOSE I THOUGHT THAT IF WE HADN’T EVEN KISSED YET THEN WHAT I REALLY WANT TO BE DOING WITH YOU WAS A VERY, VERY LONG WAY OFF. I’M HAPPY TO WAIT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO JUST BE FRIENDS WITH YOU, I WANT MORE, MUCH MORE. IF YOU DON’T SEE US GOIN
G THAT WAY, THEN I’D RATHER KNOW NOW.

  JUST GOT BACK FROM A DAY AT THE HOUSE, THE KITCHEN IS NEARLY DONE AND THE FOUNDATIONS ARE FINISHED FOR THE EXTENSION.

  NO WORD FROM ANNIE, I BETTER KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR ANGRY VILLAGERS WITH BURNING TORCHES.

  Saturday:

  I like you Barney, I really do, and definitely more than just as friends. I’m just not sure I’m ready for a relationship yet. This is all so new for me and quite honestly more than a bit scary.

  JUST GOT BACK FROM A RUN. I DON’T WANT TO RUSH YOU ANNIE, I’VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. I’M HEADING OVER TO THE HOUSE NOW, THE BUILDERS ARE PUTTING IN HALF A DAY TODAY. I’D LOVE TO HAVE YOU OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT. NO CIDER THIS TIME THOUGH.

  ANNIE’S COMING FOR DINNER TONIGHT, WHAT ON EARTH DO I COOK FOR SOMEONE WHO IS SUCH A BRILLIANT COOK HERSELF. MY TALENTS LAY FIRMLY IN THE ‘SOMETHING ON TOAST’ DEPARTMENT. MAYBE A TAKEAWAY IS THE ANSWER. I CAN SPEND MORE TIME CHATTING WITH HER THEN.

  FEEL LIKE SUCH A SHIT. HAD ANOTHER WONDERFUL EVENING WITH ANNIE, BUT SHE FINALLY TOLD ME WHY SHE WAS HOLDING BACK. THERE WAS ME THINKING SHE’D JUST HAD A CRAPPY EX-BOYFRIEND NOT THAT HER HUSBAND, HER CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART HAD DIED TWO YEARS AGO. NO WONDER SHE IS HESITANT TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP. SHE MUST FEEL GUILTY FOR MOVING ON AND CONCERNED FOR WHAT THE VILLAGERS WILL THINK ESPECIALLY HIS FAMILY WHO LIVE HERE TOO.

  Sunday:

  Please don’t feel bad. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. I have enough pity from the locals without you joining in too. It was nice to be treated normally for a while. Though I felt like I owed you an explanation for my reticence which is why I told you.

  I don’t feel guilty for moving on. My life shouldn’t stop just because Nick’s did. And I’m not concerned about what people will think. They can think what they like. Most of them will be happy for me and those that aren’t I don’t care about anyway.

  Nick’s family will be supportive too. They wouldn’t expect me to sit in mourning for the rest of my life. No the reason I’m holding back is purely the thought of being with someone that isn’t Nick. It feels very weird.

  Knock on my back door when you wake up, maybe we can go for a drive.

  WHAT A FANTASTIC DAY. THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO SEE THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE BACK ON ANNIE’S FACE SO WE DROVE DOWN TO GREAT YARMOUTH AND WENT TO THE PLEASURE BEACH. WE SPENT THE DAY RIDING THE ROLLERCOASTERS, RACING EACH OTHER ON THE GO-KARTS AND EATING CANDY FLOSS AND FISH AND CHIPS ON THE PIER. THE HIGHLIGHT FOR ME WAS HER GRABBING ME IN THE HAUNTED HOTEL.

  Ha ha! I was holding you because you were clearly scared, I was offering comfort. I had the best time today, thank you so much.

  MMMM FINALLY A KISS!!

  MONDAY:

  THE BUILDERS ARRIVED AT SEVEN THIS MORNING, OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE KEEN TO GET THIS CASH BONUS.

  Tuesday:

  Barney, I’ve just taken a last minute enquiry for half term next week, do you think you’ll be out by then. No worries if not.

  YES I SHOULD BE. THE HOUSE IS STARTING TO LOOK AMAZING. THERE ARE A FEW THINGS HERE AND THERE THAT NEED TO BE FINISHED BUT I’M KEEN TO MOVE IN NOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I’M GOING TO MOVE IN ON FRIDAY SO I’LL BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR THEN.

  I WOULD LOVE YOU TO COME OVER AND SEE IT. I’LL MAKE YOU DINNER SATURDAY NIGHT IN MY NEW KITCHEN AND IF TRAVELLING BACK ACROSS THE GREEN IS TOO FAR FOR YOU, YOU COULD ALWAYS STAY OVER AFTERWARDS.

  Dinner will be lovely, though I think I can manage to find my way back across the green again.

  WELL IF YOU’RE SURE, I’D HATE FOR YOU TO GET LOST.

  I’ll think about it.

  WEDNESDAY:

  I’M OFF TO BUY NEW BEDDING FOR MY KING SIZE BED, CAN’T WAIT TO SLEEP IN IT ON FRIDAY IN MY NEW HOME AND HOPEFULLY CHRISTEN IT ON SATURDAY.

  Barney, can I just remind you, you’re supposed to be taking things slow.

  Sophia Lorenzo.

  Sophia!!! I’m more than capable of saying no if I’m not ready.

  And Barney, please don’t write things like that in the guestbook, other people will read it after you’ve gone.

  SORRY. BARNEY X

  Me too. I worry about you that’s all. I’m sure Olly would be worried too if he knew.

  Which is why he doesn’t need to know. Olly would have me dressed in black and mourning his brother for the rest of my life. Is that what you want too?

  No of course not, I’m pleased that you’re having fun, really I am. I just don’t want to see you hurt or rushing into anything you’re not sure about. I love you and if you’re happy then I’m happy. Sophia x

  And Barney if you hurt her I’ll have your testicles on a plate.

  DULY NOTED.

  Sophia, you do make me laugh. I’d be quite proficient at serving Barney’s testicles on a plate myself if it comes to that, I am a culinary queen after all.

  ERM FEELING QUITE NERVOUS ABOUT THE SAFETY OF MY TESTICLES NOW. MAYBE SOPHIA WOULD LIKE TO CHAPERONE OUR DINNER ON SATURDAY AND ESCORT YOU BACK SAFELY ACROSS THE GREEN AFTERWARDS. THEREFORE YOUR CHASTITY AND MY TESTICLES REMAIN INTACT.

  That won’t be necessary.

  THURSDAY:

  HAVE SPENT A VERY LONG DAY UNPACKING BOXES AND CLEANING IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE MY HOUSE A HOME. EXHAUSTED. I’VE JUST GOT BACK HERE VERY LATE TO FIND A CHICKEN PIE FRESHLY COOKED AND JUST IN NEED OF REHEATING FOR MY DINNER. ANNIE I MAY ACTUALLY BE A LITTLE BIT IN LOVE WITH YOU.

  FRIDAY:

  THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY OVER THE LAST TWO WEEKS. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT, WITH OR WITHOUT THE DESSERT.

  **********

  24th – 31st May

  Gemma, Sean and Charlie Chadwick

  Saturday:

  My maternity leave is coming to a close. Next week, after half term, I return to the classroom. I haven’t been a teacher for a year now, since Charlie was born and I’ve enjoyed just being a Mum. He has grown so much and I will miss not spending every day with him. Though I am looking forward to having my brain filled with other things rather than dirty nappies, poo explosions and nursery rhymes. Thankfully all the children I’ll be working with are toilet trained and have long since out grown nursery rhymes. They’re more bothered about who’s dating who and whether Harry Styles is fitter than Justin Bieber.

  The weather is forecast to stay nice, at least for the next few days, so we’ll be enjoying the beach and spending the last bit of family time together. Next week I’ll be up to my eyeballs in marking and meetings and Charlie will be spending his days split between his grandparents and nursery.

  Gemma Chadwick

  Monday:

  It’s very early hours of Monday morning now. Charlie has been awake all the night; he’s either teething or coming down with a cold. With nothing to do but comfort him I’ve been reading this book. It makes for a gripping read.

  Annie, I can’t believe your brother-in-law is Oliver Black. I love him. His books and films aren’t bad either. Sean is completely in love with him as well, though apparently it’s more an appreciation for his work than for his body. I think it’s a man crush!!! Sean follows his progress more avidly in the gossip mags than I do.

  I have to ask you, why are you not with him? It’s clear from his messages in this book that he has a thing for you. I’ve not seen this Barney but surely he can’t compare to the great Oliver Black. And you probably won’t answer this but did you stay over with Barney on Saturday night?

  Tuesday:

  Yes the guestbook has taken off in ways I never expected. It seems that not having the pressure of talking face to face means that people can put what they really feel in this book.

  Oliver and I are good friends. We have been since we were little. What you perceive as him having a thing for me is nothing more than a fondness from him. He sees me as a little sister, especially since I married his brother. Since Nick died, Olly has looked out for me, but being with him is not an option. I’m sure you know from the gossip mags that Oliver has been engaged to the beautiful actress Vivienne Lake for over two years. />
  As for Barney he has been sweet, patient and a lot of fun to be with. Plus he’s very fit too. We had a nice time Saturday night, though I’ll say no more about it.

  Annie

  Curses! And you and I both know that the thing with Vivienne Lake is a complete farce. I have very close female friends but none of them are as close as Vivienne and her ‘best friend’ Darcy. If this thing between Vivienne and Oliver is real then he is either blind to the fact that his girlfriend is gay or maybe he’s ok with it and one of those men that likes to watch.

  Wednesday:

  As far as I know Oliver and Vivienne are very much in love with each other. You shouldn’t believe everything that you read in the papers. Oliver is a lovely bloke and the papers always make him out to be a complete tart, it simply isn’t true.

  Annie

  Spoken like someone who is completely in love with him.