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  Now that Annie is safe I wonder if now would be a good time to go round and ask for his autograph.

  They’ve just had sex!!! This really is better than Coronation Street. Her downstairs bathroom is next to mine and there is a hole near the floor that I can see through. I saw a chink of light coming through it earlier today so when I heard her saying she was going for a shower and he offered to help her, I knew I had to take a sneaky peek. Lying down on the floor with my dodgy ankle was a bit tricky but totally worth it.

  She was naked by the time I looked and Oliver was washing her hair. He was still wearing his trousers, more’s the pity, but his body is beautiful. He started washing her body and the whole time she had her eyes closed, her hands by her side as if she would rather be anywhere but there. If I was being washed by Oliver Black I would grab him and shove my tongue down his throat, rip those trousers off and have sex with him against the shower wall.

  The next thing Oliver’s hands are on her breasts, which elicited the first reaction from her since they’d got into the shower. When she asked what he was doing he told her he was taking what was rightfully his. This provoked an even bigger reaction, she pushed him away and tried to get out the shower but he stopped her, she fought against him and he pinned her against the wall with her hands above her head. I thought he might rape her but then he told her that he thought he was going to come up here and find her dead, that it terrified him and he needs to know she is alive, he needs to feel her heart beating next to his.

  She’s obviously a very clever girl. She threatens to commit suicide which gets him running back up here, tries to pretend she’s not interested in him which would obviously damage his male pride. He then practically has to beg to sleep with her, rather than her pouncing on him. Very clever indeed. I don’t think I would be that subtle.

  He kissed her throat, still pinning her to the wall and when he kissed her on the mouth, she kissed him back. And the next thing they’re having sex, right against the shower wall.

  It was hard and fast and urgent and passionate and I couldn’t take my eyes off them for a second.

  After, they were on the floor kissing for ages as the hot water poured over them and just as I was starting to get a bit bored by the kissing, they had sex again. This time it lasted much longer and was slower, more languid, his hands were all over her as if he couldn’t get enough of her. They kissed none stop throughout. The man really is a god.

  Finally, when they had finished Oliver got up straight away. Annie started saying he couldn’t leave again like last time, that they’d done nothing wrong. Oliver came back to her and wrapped her in her robe and then scooped her up like she weighed nothing. He told her he wasn’t leaving, that he was never leaving her again and he was simply taking her to bed.

  I just ran or rather hobbled out to the garden and I could see them in Annie’s bedroom window. They were both naked, well at least from the waist up and he was kissing her, just before he turned out the light.

  It’s gone quiet next door now. I can’t wait till tomorrow.

  Wednesday:

  Another row woke me up. Though I really couldn’t hear the specifics at all this time. Vivienne was mentioned, the conveniently forgotten fiancé. I think he hit her. I could hear thuds and screams; a glass was broken or thrown. Not long after that, the helicopter arrived and he left.

  The press have arrived, there are maybe fifty of them camped outside Annie’s house. I wonder if this has anything to do with the few phone calls I made. I told them what I had seen and heard which they seemed very interested in. I can’t wait to hear Annie’s version of events. After the way he treated her this morning she is going to rip him to shreds.

  They were all over Annie when she stepped out of her house. He had obviously hit her because her face looked swollen and she had bruises on her arms. To my surprise she denied that there was an incident yesterday over her attempted suicide, or that her and Oliver had ever had any kind of relationship or that they’d had a row that morning. They asked her about the bruises and she said she had fallen over whilst walking the dog. She confirmed that Oliver had been there, but that he often pops up this way to visit his Dad and Aunt and will often check in on her too as she was married to his brother. She said they were best friends growing up and that hasn’t changed. I can’t believe she would stick up for him after he treated her so badly this morning. When asked about how his long term girlfriend Vivienne Lake would feel about his visit, she said that she had met Vivienne on many occasions and that Vivienne knew that Annie’s and Oliver relationship stretched to nothing more than friendship. She said that she hopes Oliver and Vivienne have a very long and happy relationship together. If Vivienne does believe her, more fool her.

  Once the press speak to the locals, they’ll at least know the truth about Annie’s attempted suicide if nothing else.

  To my upmost annoyance the locals have denied everything. When asked what happened yesterday with the mass search party every single one of them has looked confused as if they didn’t remember the six hours they were out looking for her in the cold and rain.

  Vivienne Lake has tweeted that she knew that Oliver was coming here for the night to see friends and family and that Annie is a very close friend to them both. A close friend that has stabbed Vivienne in the back.

  Oliver has also tweeted that it must be a slow day in the news office for them to be rehashing two year old stories. Apparently the press were all over him when he stayed with Annie after Nick died and he can’t see how a quick visit to his family and sister-in-law could possibly be so riveting to the press.

  Oliver has just tweeted again that he is going to the dentist now, if any press are interested in that, maybe it will make front page news.

  Oliver has just tweeted that he has had a ham sandwich for lunch and expects to see it on News at Ten tonight.

  Annie is in her front garden tending to the weeds. The press are losing their enthusiasm for the story now, they’ve taken a few half-hearted shots of her doing the garden but with no one to confirm the story I just look like some mad nosy old bat with too much time on her hands.

  Thursday:

  After the locals all closed ranks and denied anything was untoward the press have all left. My son is coming to pick me up soon. Despite that I’ve been made to look like an idiot, I have had the best weekend. I’ll be back again soon to catch up on more gossip.

  **********

  Judy Fisher has just left and she’ll be coming back over my dead body, which won’t be any time soon because I did not try to kill myself!!! I can’t believe that every detail of my life has been printed here in black and white for every guest to read. Especially as most of it is completely inaccurate. Can I categorically state Oliver did not hit me.

  Nor did we have sex.

  Oh my!! This makes for an interesting read.

  Sophia!! Nothing happened; this is just the inane babble of a bored and lonely madwoman. You know Oliver would never hit me. How much more of Judy’s messages do you think are completely made up?

  There’s no smoke without fire.

  There’s no fire!

  Your red cheeks and the gleam in your eye would suggest otherwise.

  **********

  19th – 22nd September

  Mr and Mrs Jones.

  Mr and Mrs Jones? Really? Come on Anthony, is that the best you could do?

  The secrecy is driving me mad. The separate mobile phones, the seedy hotels, the secret liaisons. And what’s the point? Everyone knows, your boss knows, your friends know, your parents know, I wouldn’t be the least surprised if your wife knows.

  Do you think Annie Butterworth really cares who we are? Do you think she’s going to ring your wife and tell her we’re having a sordid affair? Quite frankly I’d be relieved if she did. Your marriage is a sham and the sooner it’s over the better.

  MY DARLING RACHEL, I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT. WE WILL BE TOGETHER SOON, WITHOUT ALL THIS SECRECY. I’M JUST NOT WILLING FOR THAT BI
TCH JESSICA TO HAVE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. SHE’LL TAKE ME FOR EVERY PENNY I HAVE AND THERE’S NO WAY I’M LETTING HER HAVE IT. BE PATIENT, I HAVE A PLAN.

  Does your plan involve having your cake and eating it? Does it involve you being a spineless coward?

  OK, I CAN SEE YOU’RE IN A BAD MOOD. IS IT BECAUSE MY SECRETARY CALLED YOU A WHORE?

  That’s part of it. You did nothing to defend me? You should have sacked her on the spot.

  RACHEL, MRS KESSINGTON HAS WORKED FOR MY COMPANY FOR THIRTY FIVE YEARS, SHE’S A DIAMOND AND I COULDN’T POSSIBLY SACK HER. YES SHE SPEAKS HER MIND BUT I’D BE LOST WITHOUT HER. AND I COULD HARDLY DEFEND YOU COULD I? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME TELL HER? THIS IS THE WOMAN I LOVE AND WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH?

  So you’d rather she thought I was a whore? Some cheap tart you picked up from a street corner?

  I’D RATHER SHE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT YOU AT ALL, BUT SINCE YOU INSIST ON TURNING UP AT MY OFFICE AT REGULAR INTERVALS THEN WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? BESIDES IT PAYS TO KEEP HER ON SIDE. SHE PLAYS GOLF WITH MRS AXE ON A REGULAR BASIS, JESSICA’S MOTHER. I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING GETTING BACK TO JESSICA.

  I was mortified.

  ARE WE GOING TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH THIS DAMNED BOOK ALL WEEKEND? IF I’D WANTED THE COLD SHOULDER, I COULD HAVE STAYED AT HOME WITH MY WIFE.

  Saturday:

  I’m feeling much happier now. My god the man is good with his hands.

  RACHEL! GOOD LORD! WHY DON’T WE JUST VIDEO OUR ANTICS AND LEAVE A COPY FOR FUTURE GUESTS TO WATCH. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS KIND OF THING IN THIS BOOK AGAIN.

  I didn’t come on this weekend to enjoy nice walks on the beach. I came for one reason only. If I can’t write about that then I have nothing more to say.

  Sunday:

  I still have nothing to say, because we’ve done nothing else but that.

  Monday:

  Mmmmm I like doing nothing. In fact I could do nothing for the rest of my life with this man. Nothing in the kitchen, nothing in the lounge, nothing on the dining table, nothing in the bedroom, I loved doing nothing in the shower and even late last night we did nothing in the garden.

  We’re going home today. I’m sure going to miss doing nothing for a while.

  **********

  27th September – 4th October

  Gaby and Seth Jacobs

  A lovely week planned with my lovely wife.

  We haven’t spent any real quality time with each other for a long while and I think it’s time we did.

  In truth, we haven’t been getting on that well lately.

  My counsellor says I need to be truthful with her, that if this week achieves nothing else, I must talk to her honestly, to tell her exactly what I’m feeling. It’s so hard to talk to her when she barely looks at me, when we’ve hardly spoken at all in the last few months. So maybe I can be truthful here first.

  I’m scared I’m losing her.

  Gaby miscarried about a year ago. She was five months pregnant and we lost him. A little boy. We were going to call him Jack. God it still breaks my heart to think of it. Afterwards Gaby fell into a deep depression. She cried almost none stop for a month. It hurt me so much that I could do nothing to take away this pain. But despite what we had been through, what we had lost, we still stayed close. Intimately, physically and emotionally. Our counsellor warned that this death could tear us apart but if anything we were closer than ever.

  She started to come round, to smile again. She stopped seeing our counsellor although I continued to do so. She said being with him reminded her of a bad time in her life and she wanted to move on. For six months she was the woman I fell in love with again. We laughed, we danced, we went out, we saw friends, we made love every night. Then she fell pregnant again and everything changed. She is four months pregnant now. It should have been the happiest four months of our lives. Instead it has been the worst.

  She’s started crying again, not during the day, but at night when we lie in bed together.

  Where before she was perfectly comfortable with her body, she’s now taken to hiding herself away, covering her body with a towel or robe. I’m not even allowed in the bathroom when she is showering.

  I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she won’t listen. Every time I try to bring it up she walks away.

  She’s pulling away. There is a void there now where there never was before. Last week she told me if I wanted to leave then I should leave. She said she didn’t need me to raise this baby and she would be perfectly fine on her own.

  I have never cried so much before in my life.

  The thought of losing her is heart breaking.

  I don’t know what to do.

  This cottage has so many happy memories for us. It’s where we met when we came with a bunch of friends five years ago. It’s where I brought her when I wanted to propose. I thought maybe we could recapture the magic.

  Though the way she has just looked at me makes me wonder if this is really it for us.

  I don’t know if there is any way back for us now.

  Sunday:

  Have asked Gaby to come for a walk on the beach with me but she’s refused. Guess I’ll go on my own.

  SETH PLAYS THE POOR HUSBAND VERY WELL. HE IS NOT GOING TO PIN THIS BREAKDOWN ON ME. ALL THIS IS HIS FAULT.

  I knew you blamed me for our baby’s death. You always denied it but I knew you did.

  I DON’T BLAME YOU FOR THAT. I MIGHT HATE YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT I COULD NEVER HATE YOU FOR THAT.

  You hate me? And you decide that writing it in this book is the best medium to declare that?

  YOU DECIDED THAT THIS BOOK WAS THE BEST MEDIUM TO TELL EVERYONE THAT I HAD A MISCARRIAGE AND ABOUT MY DEPRESSION. I HATE YOU FOR THAT RIGHT NOW. WHAT’S BETWEEN US IS BETWEEN US. WHY YOU INSIST ON SEEING THAT OVERPAID COUNSELLOR EVERY WEEK TO TELL HIM ALL OUR PROBLEMS I DON’T KNOW. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME YOU SHOULD TELL ME.

  I’ve tried to talk to you, you won’t listen. You’ve barely said a word to me for four months.

  SO YOU DO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME?

  No of course not. You won’t speak to me, you cry all the time. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

  ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR?

  Oh my God, no! How could you think that?

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WORSE, YOU FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH ME BECAUSE THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE, OR BECAUSE YOU’VE JUST GROWN BORED OF ME.

  I haven’t fallen out of love with you. I love you so much.

  I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES EVERY DAY. YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE.

  MONDAY:

  I WANT A DIVORCE. I’M SO MISERABLE, YOU’RE MAKING ME SO MISERABLE AND I CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS.

  Wait. Wait a minute. We need to talk about this, properly.

  THERE’S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR US ANYMORE.

  You need to think about this.

  I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, FOR TWO MONTHS. DON’T FIGHT THIS PLEASE. DON’T MAKE IT HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.

  How can you say that? I want you, I want to be with you. Please don’t do this. Tell me what I can do to change your mind, what is it that I’m doing that makes you so miserable.

  I’M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND. AND IT’S MORE A CASE OF WHAT YOU’RE NOT DOING.

  I don’t understand. Please talk to me about this. I deserve some kind of explanation. I can’t lose you, I love you.

  NO YOU DON’T, NOT ANYMORE.

  You’ve said more in this book in the last few days than you have to me in the last few months. Talk to me.

  THE BOOK DOESN’T HATE ME.

  I don’t hate you, God Gaby, please.

  IT’S LATE. I’M GOING TO BED. I WOULD PREFER IT IF YOU SLEPT IN THE SPARE ROOM TONIGHT.

  Tuesday:

  Just popped by to see if you guys are settling in ok, it’s been very quiet.

  Just read your previous messages, I’m so sorry you guys are having problems. I won’t intrude; you guys need some time to talk this through. There still seems like there is a
lot of love there worth fighting for. Talk to each other, if it is going to end, then part honestly and openly with each other.

  Annie x

  Thanks Annie.

  I haven’t slept a wink. I’m trying to trace it back to when it all went wrong. We were so happy.

  THEN I GOT FAT. NOW YOU THINK I’M HIDEOUS.

  You’re pregnant not fat. And you are so beautiful.

  YOU ALWAYS HAD A THING ABOUT MY BODY; YOU SAID HOW BEAUTIFUL I WAS. YOU COULD NEVER KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME. NOW YOU WON’T EVEN TOUCH ME. YOU FIND ME REPULSIVE. I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES WHEN I TOLD YOU I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN. YOU WERE DISAPPOINTED. YOU DIDN’T WANT ME TO GET FAT AGAIN.